Book Review: The 5 Love Languages

  The 5 Love Languages   

By Garry Chapman 

  Paperback| eBook| Audiobook

    An amazing and insightful read full of simple and easily workable ideas to rekindle love in your marriage.  

        

Introduction 

The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman talks about creating a healthy emotional environment in your marriage based on understanding the emotional needs of your partner to create a relationship where both partners can feel safe, loved, cared and significant.

Gary Chapman, Ph.D., Anthropologist, has counseled thousands of married couples for years. This book is a result of his study and experience.

The ideas narrated in the book really work, it is evident from the popularity of the book. This book is immensely popular has been on the New York Times bestseller list, translated in many languages and has sold more than 10 million copies.  

I came across this book while browsing through the net, found the idea worthwhile and picked it up. 

My verdict, I enjoyed this book from start to end, the blend of real-life stories, wisdom from the author and simple yet practical solutions proposed in the book seem convincing and workable. I am glad I picked it up.

In this blog I have included a summary, my reflections on the book and buying links, do check it out.

 

Book Summary

Studies have shown that the need to feel loved is a primary human emotional need. Marriage is designed to meet this need.

The emotional need is met during the “in love” phase, but research suggests that post-marriage the “in love” phase may last not more than 2 years. Once the “in love” phase subsides, it is time for the “real love”.

In marriage "real love" starts when you choose to look out for your partner’s interest. This requires effort and discipline. Speaking the primary love language of your partner consistently can bring you closer to accomplishing “real love”.      

Every individual has an invisible emotional love tank. If the love tank is full the person feels loved but if it is empty the person will be sad or feel neglected.  

Speaking the primary love language of your partner can keep his love tank full.  

Your primary love language and your partner’s primary love language may be as different as English and Chinese. This is because you both are brought up in different families and environments. 

Therefore, it is important to learn the primary love language of your partner to make your efforts towards love more productive.

What are the five love languages?

 

1. Words of Affirmation

Words are important to express love emotionally therefore Words of affirmation have the power to change the emotional climate of your marriage.

This love language has many dialects like verbal compliments, encouraging words, humble words and so on.

If  this is your partner's primary love language but you are not a person of words train yourself to express love verbally. 

 

2. Quality time

Quality time is all about giving undivided focused attention to your spouse without indulging in any distractions like playing with your smartphone.

One of its dialects is 'quality conversation' which means to initiate a sympathetic dialogue. This involves expressing yourself, listening, asking relevant questions to understand the feeling of your partner.

If your spouse's love language is quality time establish a daily sharing time to do so.

3. Receiving gifts

“Visual Symbols of love are more important to some people than others”.

If your spouse's primary love language is receiving gifts you must indulge in giving gifts to make him feel loved. Gifts can be purchased or creatively handmade.

Gift of Self: if the physical presence of your spouse is important to you (in certain situations) request it, do not assume that your partner will know it. If it has been ever requested by your partner take it seriously.

 

4. Acts of Service

It is about showing love through your actions. Doing things your partner would want you to do is a winner here.

But how to find out what your partner needs help with?

You need to interpret the requests or criticism you hear most of the time. Maybe it is coming due to an emotional need. 

5. Physical touch 

Physical touch is a powerful communicator of love and if your spouse's primary love language is physical touch you must use it abundantly to express love emotionally.

How to find your primary love language?

Ask yourself what is your picture of a soulmate? How do you make your partner feel loved? What do you request from your spouse? Answers to these questions may help zero on your primary love language.

You can also take the five love languages quiz on the author’s site which will help determine your primary love language.

Here is the link to take online quiz to find your love language.

https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/couples-quiz/

5 Insightful quotes from “The 5 love languages” in authors own words 

1. Love makes request not demands.

2.If we wish to love each other, we need to know what other person wants.

3.Love requires effort and discipline.

4.Love is a choice and cannot be coerced.

5. Love doesn’t erase the past but makes the future different.

My Candid Musings  

This book can help you become a better version of yourself 

This book is indeed for married couples, but I think it has a lot in store for every individual. Many times we don’t have clarity on our emotions, why am I sad? Why am I angry?  

This book can help you find an answer to these questions by pinpointing you to your emotional need. Once you know what your emotional need is you might have answers to why you are feeling an emotion and what can fix it.

 In a marriage, if the couple can articulate the emotional need to each other and both can meet the same then that would lead to a marital bliss everyone dreams of.

This book has the power to change your perspective towards looking at your relationships be it marriage, parents, children or extended family. So, pick up this book, share the insights with your near and dear ones.   

Gift a copy of this book to your friends and family. I am sure they will like it.

 

Check out the buying links below

 

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