One of my greatest fears in life is associated with getting inside the MRI machine. Just the mere thought of an MRI gives me goosebumps. It is a nightmare that I wish does not ever come true.
However much you try to avoid some situations you cannot do
much if god has a plan. The same thing happened to me last month when my destiny
brought me face to face with my wildest fear as I had symptoms of Vertigo.
It was a normal day for me. Working from home I was closing
up on a call when I suddenly started feeling dizzy. Things around me were
spinning. I quickly went to the nearest couch to lie down. I recovered after 4
hours.
The next week the same episode repeated and so my husband
and I rushed to the Doctor. After prescribing some medicines he mentioned I also
need to get an MRI done. Chill went down my bone and I looked at him with fear.
“Can I do a CT Scan instead?” I asked him. “No,” he said. Giving up I confessed
“Is it absolutely necessary to do an MRI? I am extremely scared of an MRI
machine”. He looked at me and said, “You might have a tiny clot behind your ear
that might be causing this. We need to rule out all the possibilities. Get me
the reports in the next 8 days”. No further questions were asked. The appointment
was over.
The Fear Factor
Lance Armstrong an international cyclist in his book “It's Not
About the Bike” wrote about his fight against cancer and his comeback. In his
book he described his experience with an MRI machine as something like this “Getting
inside an MRI machine is like getting into your coffin alive. There is no space
inside the machine, you cannot move or scratch you can only breadth”. Although I read this book some 15 year earlier
this description of the MRI machine is fresh in my memory. I have imagined
myself getting inside an MRI machine and unable to breathe or come out of it. Over the years the fear has elevated and I am
fully convinced that the one thing that I will never attempt in life is to get
inside an MRI machine.
That night I could not sleep, my feet were cold, my palms
were sweating and I was unable to breathe. The next day I went to my husband to get some
support. “I will not do an MRI,” I told him. “Don’t be stupid, what is there to
be scared of the machine?” he said. “it's one of the most useful human
inventions”. I knew he wouldn’t listen so I called my parents. “I will not do an
MRI,” I told them. “Don’t be stupid” My mom said. “You must do what your doctor
says,” said my dad. Over the week my brother, my cousins, and even my colleagues
echoed the same. I knew they were right but I was afraid and firm “I will not
do an MRI”.
The resolve
Suddenly it was like the whole world on the other side. I was
all alone, afraid, helpless, and sick.
With all these
thoughts in my mind, I was sitting with my head held in my hands when I suddenly
heard my little one’s soft voice. “But why are you afraid of the MRI machine,
Mama?” my 6-year-old questioned me. It was only then that I realized that her
little ears had been listening to all my conversation and her little eyes were
seeing the fear in my eyes. I was setting up the wrong example for her.
Of all the good things I wish for my daughter making her
fearless and strong are on the top.
In that moment I solemnly resolved to overcome my fear of
MRI and set the correct example for my daughter. “Mamma is not afraid my dear,
mamma is strong,” I told her and she gave me a much-needed warm hug.
Finding Courage
I had now resolved to get rid of fear but was still lagging
the courage. My family and friends were helping me to the best of their
knowledge. But finding courage was
totally up to me and it would come only when I did some inner work. I thought
and thought and finally zeroed in on something I learned from my daughter’s favorite
cartoon character “Masha and the Bear”.
In one of the episodes when Masha is scared of a ghost who
is charging at her, she shouts at it “I am not scared of you” and the ghost gives
out a hysterical laugh. She says again loudly this time “I am not scared of you”
and the ghost stops. She shouts again stronger and louder this time “I am not
scared of you” and the ghost disappears.
I thought of giving it a try. And so I imagined an MRI
machine in front of me and said loudly “I am not scared of you” I felt better.
I said it 3 – 4 times loudly and I really felt strong. I started repeating this
each and every moment “I am not scared of MRI; it is just a machine”. I repeated
it the whole day and also in the night. It worked. Now I had the courage to say “I will do
an MRI”. I went up to my husband and
told him let’s do my MRI tomorrow. He happily took the next day's appointment.
On the day of the appointment, I was not nervous. I went in
to do the MRI confidently. MRI scan lasted for almost one and a half hours (I had
two types of scans). After the scan when I met my little one she asked me “Mama,
did you fear?”. I told her “There is nothing to be afraid my dear, it's just a
machine”.
Tips for those who are scared of MRI
The below things really helped me to combat fear when inside
the MRI machine.
1.
Panic Button: Ask the technician to hand over
the panic button to you. Keep it in your hands. If you press the button
technician will be alerted and will stop the scanning process and attend to
you.
2.
Breathe: Remember as long as you can breathe you
are good. While inside the machine breathe consistently in a set rhythm. Keep telling
yourself this is a time-bound activity and it will soon be over.
3.
Control your thoughts: Program your brain to
think only positive things. Chant a mantra and address the machine and say “I
am not scared of you; you are just a machine”. Repeat it as and when necessary (I
was continuously chanting and talking to the machine).
4.
Do not move: If you move your scan will be
delayed. Cooperate with the technician, listen to her instructions, and accommodate
her requests.
5.
Head gear: Ask for headgear or cover your ears
with cotton, the sound inside the MRI machine is deafening. It is part of the MRI
process so stay calm and ignore it.
No Fear now
My fear of MRI is completely gone. I no longer get sleepless
nights nor do I get up in the middle of the night breathless.
You must be wondering about the MRI results. My MRI report
was normal. The doctor has asked me to continue with medication for vertigo. I
am recovering day by day. What I learned from this whole ordeal is precious and
I wish it stays with me for the rest of my life and it is “Face your fears in
order to overcome them”.
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